What's in a name?

I recently have been getting a lot of questions about baby names, and baby naming ceremonies.  Maybe this is just the time in my life when my friends are having babies and as the clergy person nearby, I'm a good person to ask!  Or maybe it's because I'm teaching a class on pregnancy, birth, bris and baby namings in a couple weeks (come if you are local to Scarsdale!).  So, how do you come up with a name for your child? (this isn't a picture of my child, by the way)

Ashkenazic Jews traditionally name in memory of relatives that have passed away.  This custom developed out of a superstition-- but I actually think that the idea of honoring the memory of a person whom you loved that is no longer with us is very sweet.  You connect your future with your past and the characteristics of the person you loved. Sephardic Jews, by the way, name after both living relatives and deceased relatives.

We used same first-letters and similar sounding names to name our girls after beloved grandparents.  Lena (Helena Beth) is named after Josh's grandmother Helen and my grandmother Betty.  Mikaela Benjie is after my great-uncle Mac and grandmother Clara (Kayla) and Josh's grandfather Benjamin.  I like to tell Lena stories about her great-grandmother, whom I was so close to growing up, and connect her to her maternal line.  She also loves that the engagement ring I wear belonged to her papa's mommy, whom she was named after!!  As they grow we can tell both of our girls about the relatives we loved, what we remember about them, and their qualities that we hope will continue on in our children.  We thought of parallel Hebrew names at the same time-- Chana Batya for Lena and Michaela Binyamina for Mikaela. 

Not everybody names in this way, though.  Often couples will give their child an English name and not a Hebrew one for years later.  They may keep the same "parallel" name (Rachel... Rakheil for example) or they may come up with something totally different, either honoring the memory of a deceased (perhaps newly) relative, or picking a quality of their child and giving them a meaningful Hebrew name.  One friend of mine named her daughter "B'racha" in Hebrew, which had nothing to do with her English name, but because she was a "blessing" to be born after the mom suffered from devastating miscarriages. Another waited until some grandparents had passed away, only then giving the child a name after relatives who had the blessing to have known her. 

However you think of your child's name, it's a big responsibility, something that they will carry around with them their whole life (if they don't change it on you!).  Looking for a Jewish baby name?  Check out this search feature on kveller.com:   http://kveller.com/jewish_baby_names/

Time Change

Since having kids, the annual "Fall back" time change just hasn't been the same.  There's no more "sleep in an extra hour before Sunday school!"  now it's:  "please go back to sleep, it's only 5am!!"  I still remember the Sunday morning when Lena was a baby.  I had to teach adult education all morning at WRT, and Lena decided to wake up at 4am that day.  I told the class, in my haze, that my baby didn't get the memo about setting the clocks back an hour.  It took her weeks to get back to her normal 5/5:30 wakeup routine.

Monday morning Lena ran in at 6am, saying "The juice box turned into a 7!!"  (for those of you who don't know what I'm talking about, apparently the 6 on her clock reminds her of a juice box, and she knows it's time to get up when it becomes a 7.  If she complies she gets a sticker on her chart every morning.  I've gradually been making her clock later and later to ease the morning transition... didn't help so much though).  I asked her, "did the juice box really turn into a 7? Go check." Apparently she's also learning how to lie, but that's the subject of another blog...

Time is a funny concept for little children.  Sometimes Lena seems to understand a minute, ten minutes, thirty minutes (FOREVER!!).  But the passing of time, and how to explain it to her continues to be a mystery most of the time.  We're going skiing when it starts to snow, after Thanksgiving.  Tom (the au pair) is staying until the spring, when Lena's birthday is.  I try to tie long-awaited things to something concrete that means something in her life. 

But what about more difficult things?  What if she's worried about Mommy and Daddy dying?  I would try to reassure her that Mommy and Daddy wouldn't die for a long, long, long time-- until she was all grown up and didn't need us anymore.  But what does a long long time mean to a 3.5 year old?  Until after her next birthday?  After Mikaela starts walking? 

It's astounding, time is fleeting
Madness takes its toll
But listen closely, not for very much longer
I've got to keep control...


Let's do the time warp again!! 

Here's to "Spring ahead" when we get that hour back...

Childcare, au pairs, and being a Reform Jewish family

A couple months ago we switched from having a nanny to an au pair.  Our nanny had been with us for three years and was terrific... but didn't drive, and it was becoming increasingly stressful for me to be working/ schlepping/ mothering/ etc.  I thought that an au pair was a good option for us because of the flexibility of hours, and we already had a room for a live-in, so why not?

It's been great so far, the girls love "Tom," our Thai au pair who's with us until the end of March.  The flexibility of schedule has indeed been great, and the hours are the right amount for our family.  Tom herself is delightful to be around, sweet and active with the kids, and a safe driver to boot.  Too bad she's only here for 6 months (usually an au pair is around for 12 months+ but she had already worked with another family for a year and is only "extending" with us).

The only bad part so far is that I'm already having to interview for our next au pair, tho I feel like I just finished training Tom!!  Talking to young women from around the world has been a really interesting experience.  It's sweet to hear their nervousness at speaking English and enthusiasm for the idea of spending a year in the United States.  Not all are right for our family, but it looks like we may have found our next au pair.

Invariably, I have to try to explain to the candidate about who our family is, and what Josh and I do-- this can be a challenge sometimes!  How do you explain to someone who knows nothing about Jews, or American Reform Jews, what it's like to be a Reform Rabbi/Cantor couple?  but as I continue with my interviews, I'm starting to get a better idea of what to say: "We are a modern Jewish family.  My husband is a rabbi, it's like a Jewish minister.  I'm a cantor, kind of like a minister of music in a church."  I want to tell the potential au pairs about how we are Jewish, yet very American-- religious, but not orthodox in our religion.  I tell them how we don't eat pork or shellfish in our house, but we do only have one set of dishes (contrary to what they may have heard about Jews).  Most importantly, I've started telling them what is important to us about being Jewish: we treat everyone with respect and love, we are active in our synagogues, we we study Judaism, we give tzedakkah (charity), we say prayers at home, and celebrate holidays with our family and in the synagogue.  Israel is very important to us.  The right au pair for us I think is one that is open-minded, possibly interested in learning about other religions, or at least tolerant of them.  Certainly willing to sit with the kids at Tot shabbat or other services while mommy or daddy are leading them!

Sometimes having to explain something so basic to me to someone who knows nothing about what I'm talking about helps me as well, to clarify what's important to me and what's important in someone who's taking care of my children.

Halloween

That holiday is coming up this weekend, the one that we don't talk about in Jewish preschools but that most of the kids eagerly await... Halloween!  Why don't we celebrate Halloween in Jewish preschools even though many American Jewish families dress up and go trick or treating every year?  Is it that different from the 4th of July, or Thanksgiving, real American holidays that we take as our own? 

The answer is in the origins of the holiday.  Thanksgiving and the 4th of July are secular holidays, and the values they espouse are ones we call our own-- freedom, thankfulness, etc.  Halloween, or "All Hallow's Eve," on the other hand, has pagan origins, and was later adopted by the Catholic church.  Jews don't believe in ghosts, goblins, or hauntings, and we also don't participate in any "idolatrous customs" (like devil worship, bowing to statues, etc.!).  So we don't celebrate Halloween, at least according to Jewish tradition.
But then why do so many Jews celebrate this holiday?  Most people, I believe, separate the make-believe, costume, free candy-seeking parts of Halloween from it's pagan spooky origins.  For most of us, it's about simple fun, and has nothing to do with the pagan origins of the holiday.

I have mixed feelings about it myself.  Lena loves make-believe and dressing up, and is VERY EXCITED (to put it mildly) about being able to wear her Ariel costume in public.  I also grew up going trick or treating every year, without giving it a second thought.  My general belief is that, as long as we don't participate in the scary, haunted aspects of the holiday and make it about fun, dressing up and candy, it's fine for our kids to trick or treat and have fun with our neighbors on October 31.  I don't want to be that crazy mom who ruins the fun for her kids.

But it's also hard to separate the fun from the scary.  I found that out at the Chappaqua Ragamuffin parade this past weekend, from which Lena came home early because she was so afraid of the witches and "steletons."  We told her it was all pretend and for fun, that the witches weren't "real witches," but she responded with great fright "except for the ones which ARE real!!!"  I know on Sunday night there will be neighbors of ours in scary costumes, that houses will be decorated over the top with music, steletons, and other scary things, and that WAY TOO late at night, kids that are WAY TOO old (and menacing!) will be ringing our doorbell repeatedly for their free candy handouts, while Lena quakes upstairs unable to get to sleep.

So what to do?  I actually bought a witch's hat for myself to wear so I can show Lena that it's all pretend.  We may trick or treat very early, just in our little court.  I'll probably bring most of the candy in to give to my well-prepared b'nei mitzvah students, or even better, donate it through our preschool association.  And when Purim comes around in the early spring we will find as many opportunities as we can to go out dressed in a happy, festive costume and to celebrate that Jewish masquerade holiday.

ok ok...

As a brief response to my last post...

Josh thought it was terribly funny that the day after I last posted a box came from zappos.com with a couple new pairs of shoes for me!  Not expensive ones, I might add, but a couple more stylish items.  And I do see some of the humor/ hypocrisy in that.  Clearly some of Lena's obsession with beautiful shoes comes from her mommy (me!), as hard as it may be for me to see.  Sometimes when you see your own less-than-perfect qualities reflected back to you in your children it's hard to recognize them as your own.

So, al cheit... perhaps some of the blame falls on me (or a lot of it).  (mother's are responsible for everything wrong with their kids anyway.....right????)

At any rate, one of my new pairs from zappos is a cute pair of pointy toe black heels that I'm trying out for the Bar Mitzvah today.  Hopefully I won't fall over or get horrible blisters.  Wish me luck!

Beautiful shoes?

Lena loves beautiful shoes.  The fancier the better-- bows, shiny material, flowers, you name it, if it's beautiful she wants to wear it.  She does NOT want to wear her sensible (pink!) sneakers I bought her.  Even if she falls in her beautiful shoes because they don't fit right, or even if they give her blisters, those are the ones she wants and it's a fight to get her into the sneakers.
I prefer sneakers or flip flops myself.  Occasionally for work I'll manage a pair of comfortable-ish heels or cute flats.  I asked my mom what I was like at Lena's age and she said I liked comfortable shoes then too-- but that I didn't have much of a choice because I only had 2 pairs at a time, my sneakers and my dressy shoes.  So maybe I indulge Lena's love of beautiful shoes too much... but she also gets bagfuls from generous friends who give us their hand-me-downs. 
(So she doesn't think I'm forgetting her some time in the future-- Mikaela now likes to eat her little leather shoes.  I put them on her mostly to keep her from pulling off her socks!)
I'm generally okay with my "comfortable" taste in shoes.  I also happen to think it's totally unfair that men don't have to wear heels to look stylish, and that I should be teeter-tottering around and getting blisters on my feet to look slim and chic.  But there is the occasional time that my shoes make me feel dumpy and very “not beautiful!” as Lena would say.  At a recent Bar Mitzvah, even the GRANDMOTHER had on cuter shoes on than I did.  High-heeled little patent leather booties.  Why does it sometimes seem that everyone in Westchester dresses like Sarah Jessica Parker, at least from the ankles down??  Is my daughter going to end up wearing 4-inch heels by the time she's 13??
And I wonder, where does Lena get it from, this taste in girly-girl shoes and clothes?  Certainly not from me or Josh.  Are differences between the sexes really biologically driven?  Or does she watch too much TV?  (as an aside I realized that the Tinkerbell movies may be inappropriate for her when she said she didn’t like the costume I bought her… that it wasn’t open “down to the tushie” and didn’t have “little fairy boobies” like Tinkerbell’s real dress!!!!!??!!!).  Even Sesame Street these days has to protect its innocence, taking the Katy Perry segment it filmed out, after her outfit was deemed too low-cut.

Part of my problem with Lena's shoes I think is my apprehension about materialism and too-early sexualizing of young children.  I also don't like her falling over and getting boo-boo's all over her feet from uncomfortable shoes.  But more of it is that I want her to take on some of my values about practicality and focusing on what really matters.  I want her to understand that she is beautiful from the inside out, not from the outside in.  That no matter what’s on her feet or how she’s dressed, she should feel beautiful, or like Tinkerbell, or whomever or however she wants. 

Teaching and trust

This week's Torah portion is Lech L'cha (Go forth!), in which we read about how God calls to Abraham and tells him to "go forth" from his homeland and journey to the land that will belong to his descendants (Israel).  It's a great portion (aren't they all??), made especially famous in the Hebrew by Debbie Friedman's "Lechi Lach" song, which is the same Hebrew text but in the feminine form.  Lech L'cha is a portion about trust, about faith in God, and about new beginnings, for an individual and the Jewish people. 

On Tuesday evening I was rehearsing this weekend's b'nai mitzvah students up on the bima, and as each of them chanted their portions beautifully, I heard another voice in my head, the voice of a former student of mine.  I couldn't figure out who it was, though.  I'd heard that portion before... but someone chanting in different voice.  A boy? A girl? Someone I clearly had worked with because I heard his or her voice so vividly in my brain.  That was Tuesday and today is Thursday and the voice has continued to bother me, because I can't place it. So, after putting the girls to bed I logged onto my work computer and pulled up last year's b'nai mitzvah list.  Nope, I didn't teach Lech L'cha last year.  Pulled up the 2008 list.  Found it, it was B**!  The sweet sweet boy I worked with and got to know two years ago as we studied together for his Bar Mitzvah.  The same boy who I saw a few weekends ago at another service and couldn't believe his transformation into a 10th grade young adult.  It's a testament to our teacher-student relationship that after two years I still hear his voice chanting that same portion from Lech L'cha.  I wonder if he remembers his portion as well as I remember him chanting it!

Lena has great teachers in the 3's this year, she talks about them all the time and looks forward to seeing them each morning at preschool.  She thinks of things that she wants to tell them.  And when I talk to Ms. Berenson she certainly tells me how Lena has a whole lot to say in class!  Besides checking in with her teacher every once in awhile, the occasional newsletter, and odd comments from Lena about what she did in school that day ("Hallie was sick!"  "I fell off the dinosaur and ate dirt!"  "Ms. Weiller had to go to a meeting so the short lady came in!") it's hard for me to say what she does there.  I'm sure she's having fun because she wants to go in the morning, but I'm trusting her teachers that they're giving her a nurturing, caring environment in which to play, grow, and learn.  I'm hoping that she's being a good friend to the other kids, playing nicely, and not hitting other kids or doing incredibly crazy or embarrassing things!  But I'm finding that it really does take a lot of trust in the school and the teachers to just let them take care of my child.  I know that trust is well-placed but sometimes it's still hard!  I suppose it's all about a gradual separation, a letting her "go forth" on her own into the world.  Right now it's just the morning, and we drop her off and pick her up.  Pretty soon it'll be the school bus... and then driving herself?  College?  I can't even imagine it.

I certainly don't recognize the Torah portions of all my former students or hear their voices chanting in my head 2 years later.  But I hope in my tutoring that I make them feel that they belong to our community and have a real, live connection to the synagogue.  Someone they and their parents can trust.

And in some of their eyes I see the future of my children 10... 13 years from now studying their portions, too, and standing up in front of the congregation leading everyone in prayer.  But I don't want time to go that fast!!!

Where have I been????

Hi there, long time no blog.  I looked at the date of my last posting and am somewhat embarrassed!  Well it's been an eventful 7 months in our family...  but now I'm back.  :)

On April 6 2010 we welcomed Davidson baby #2 into the world, a beautiful, healthy girl named Mikaela Benjie.  It was hard for me to imagine before she was born how I would love her with even some of the intensity of how I love Lena... but I do.  It's true how a mother's heart just grows!  At 6 months now she is becoming a little person, sitting up and playing, expressing her emotions, and eating all sorts of mushy solid foods.  She looks a lot like her big sis Lena but no longer almost identical-- she has her own features and style that separates her from old pics of Lena.  And now she's really starting to show her love and attachment to me (and Josh and Lena too!), which makes it doubly fun to be with her and come back home from work.  I walk in the door to hear Lena screaming "Mommy's home!  Mommy's home!!" and find Mikaela flapping her arms around with glee with a huge smile on her face that's just for me.

I'm starting to plan my Jewish Parenting classes at WRT for the year.  The theme for the year I think will be "Jewish Parenting for the Life cycle" with the first class on November 16 being about Fertility, Pregnancy, and Birth: Bris and Baby Namings.  I'm doing some research online at this great new website: www.kveller.com.  It's from the people who brought us My Jewish Learning, and is about Jewish Parenting.  I found a great article on breastfeeding by Rabbi Jill Jacobs that I related to immediately (as I tote my spare breast pump, thank you Sara Levine, around WRT looking for a private room during this construction period). The article talks about the duality of breastfeeding-- both as a miraculous way of feeding your baby everything he/she needs, like God feeds Israel with manna, and as a burden at the same time.  The rabbis of the Talmud considered breastfeeding one of the chores a woman performs for her husband-- akin to cleaning and doing laundry-- that if she had hired help she could avoid doing  (Mishnah, Ketubot 5:5).  But the rabbis also tell a midrashic story about the biblical Matriarch Sarah, who, in response to claims that Isaac is not really her son, opens her shirt and sprays milk like "two spouts of water."  All her neighbors bring their children to drink her milk, and all converts in the world are said to be descended from these neighbors  (Pesikta Rabati 43).  For more check out the article yourself:  http://kveller.com/baby_and_toddler/baby-care/breastfeeding.shtml?KVBT

Mikaela is still mostly breastfed, but as she grows and continues to eat solids and take bottles while I'm at work, I continue to think about weaning her.  It certainly would lift the burden of needing to be the one taking care of her most of the time, and of finding time and space to pump often when I'm away from her.  But I am conflicted because I love the early-morning quiet time with her, how she looks up at me and smiles, how I know I'm giving her something that nourishes her physically and more.  I doubt we will have another baby, so this is my last time most likely to experience this special relationship I can have with my baby (I'm tearing up just writing this!).  So we'll continue as long as we feasibly can I suppose.  Or talk to me again tomorrow and I may say something different about it!  It's comforting to me that the Jewish tradition seems to understand the dynamic tension present in this uniquely female art.  And, I know that when I do eventually wean her, I'll be able to ritualize the special moment as well, connecting with generations of Jewish women and children as I do so.

I'm going to try to get back to updating this blog weekly, read often and hold me to it!

When a pet dies... remembering "Uncle" Cody

He was a good dog, the best dog.  My parents got Cody, a black lab mix with white paws and a white chest, as a puppy when I was in my junior year of high school.  He was supposed to be "my dog" (I had begged for a puppy!)-- but he was always really my mom's.  He slept in my room maybe one night before it became clear who his real mommy was.  My mom likes to remind me that Cody was her favorite because he was the child who never left!!

Cody loved swimming, playing fetch, going for walks, and eating leftovers from everybody's plates.  He loved attention and company from his family, following us around from room to room and getting VERY excited when the family came home to play with him.  If you were sitting in the room with him, he would come over and nudge your hand onto his head and demand petting in a gentle but persistent fashion. 

Lena loved to spend time with "Uncle" Cody, and always lists him among those she loves.  (Mommy, Daddy, Grandma, Grandpa, Nana, Papa,  Carmella, Uncle Jon, Uncle Jeremy, and "Uncle" Cody.  I hope that her  other two uncles aren't offended...)

Recently he had slowed down quite a bit and really aged.  He was becoming incontinent and clearly uncomfortable from many ailments.  So when they put him down this weekend it was his time to go.

But what do we tell Lena?

Josh and I, a rabbi and a cantor, asked each other this question across the dinner table from each other on Saturday night after Lena was in bed (she's sleeping fairly well in her big-girl bed these days, yay!).  Should we wait until she asks?  Tell her that he died?  That he's in doggy heaven?  That his memory lives on thru those loved him?  If a rabbi and a cantor have trouble figuring out what to do, I can't imagine what other parents must struggle with!

When a person dies, there's many rituals to help us deal with our grief-- funeral, shiva, official periods of mourning.  But not really so with a dog, even though as dog-lovers know they are a real member of the family.

I think we'll wait until she asks about "Uncle" Cody, then use it as a teaching opportunity.  Try to figure out how to explain a pet dying to a 3-year-old in very concrete terms, like, "'Uncle' Cody died, he's not here anymore.  He got very very old and his body stopped working and he died.  We're sad, especially Grandma and Grandpa, because we miss him very much.  But we remember that he was a good boy and all the good times we had together."

That wasn't too hard... but what about the other questions that invariably will follow?  I guess we'll just deal with them as we come and try to reassure her that she'll always be taken care of, that Mommy and Daddy aren't going anywhere anytime soon.

As a clergy person, I see death far too often.  In just half an hour I'm going to a funeral of a congregant who died too young-- and happened to also be my dentist.  When we find out about a death, especially an untimely one, we feel shocked, upset, confused, scared, even begin to question God.  I also feel grateful for what I have.  I suppose when you see so much of other people's grief it helps put things in perspective.  I am so lucky to have my parents and Josh's parents healthy and alive.  I am so lucky to have a wonderful husband, a thriving nearly 3-year-old, and healthy fetus inside my womb.  I am so lucky to have the friends and extended family that I do.  I want to appreciate them now-- because as we all know, life is temporary.  Even the best dogs aren't there forever.

Shabbat Parah: Passover already??

This Shabbat is known as Parah-- the Shabbat after Purim when we officially begin our preparations for Passover.

(Does that mean that Passover is coming soon???  Eek!!!  I don't think we've even discussed where we're having seder this year... and the baby is due to arrive right afterward!!)

We read a special Torah portion on Shabbat Parah about a ritual of purification involving the red heifer (parah adumah in Hebrew).  The rabbis found this ritual to be strange, because it makes the pure people who lead the ritual impure, and the impure people, who need the ritual, pure.  Confused? 

It's kind of like starting off with a sink fully of dirty dishes and clean sponges.  After cleaning all the grease off, you have (hopefully) clean dishes and dirty sponges.  That is, if you have time to do the dishes while parenting small children.  I usually just let them pile up until someone else does them now... but that could have something to do with my belly hitting the counter whenever I try to get close to the sink.  Funny how the belly hitting the counter doesn't bother me as much tho when I'm serving myself something yummy... like cheesy bagels.  I just LOVE melted cheese on anything these days.  Good source of calcium?  Hopefully cheese melted on matza will satisfy the craving too.

Another topic-- Lena seems to be having the anxiety/ regression NOW that I expected a month from now when baby sister comes.  She's clingy, crying, anxious, or hyper... and doesn't seem to want to use the potty anymore.  What's the deal?   Help from others out there??

This is a picture of me from yesterday! 

Purim is coming!

Lena has to dress up for preschool tomorrow-- Purim Parade time!  And the clergy at WRT are of course putting together a HILARIOUS comedy for our Sunday morning audience... so I guess it's time to start thinking about everyone's favorite holiday: Purim!

It's a favorite because it's fun, and it's really just about having fun.  Even the book of Esther which we read on Purim is a kind of comedy (can you believe there's comedy in the bible????).  There's easy humor to see, with simple, exaggerated characters put in crazy situations in a high court.  Add some horseplay and funny misunderstandings and you've got some really funny stuff that even the little ones can get into.

So here's a few ideas about how to get little ones excited about Purim:

(From Felicia Block):  Read the story of Purim at home and give each kid something to bang on when Haman's name is read!  Gets them ready for hearing the Purim story in shul this year or later.  And it's just fun (which is what it's all about, right?)

Play dress-up:  No scary Halloween costumes here, just royal kings, queens, court figures, happy times.  What preschooler doesn't like dressing up?  You can make masks and crowns yourself using glitter, feathers, lots of messy stuff.

Make Hamentaschen and give them as shalach manot to friends, families, and places that accept food donations.  My favorite flavor is poppy seed by the way.  And chocolate/ apricot together.

 Make your own Purim play, using finger puppets or paper-bag dramatics, whatever is your family's style.

And if you're around Scarsdale on Sunday Feb 38th be sure to come to WRT's Purim for a Purpose:  Megillah Reading and Family Purim Spiel at 9:45, Carnival and lunch at 11:15.  Carnival admission will support local organizations and charities.  Here's some pictures from a few years ago (I was pregnant with Lena there).

Now I have to get back to my Hamentaschen-making...  anyone have any good recipes for a non-baker and her almost-3-year-old??

Pregnancy brain... fact or fiction?

FACT!!

It prepares you for "baby brain," which I think is all biology-- you take better care of the baby if you focus on him/her instead of everything else going on around you.  And the sleeplessness of pregnancy prepares you for the sleeplessness of having a newborn... 

But all this preparation can be not so fun.  At WRT now we have 2 pregnant cantors (b'sha'ah tovah Cantor Abramson!) and things get a little funny at times.  Like us going back and forth to each other saying, "Did I tell you about this meeting?"  "Did we remember to include the kiddush on the new B'nai Mitzvah packets?"  "Did you write that detail down?  Because I know I won't remember it otherwise..."  I'm more guilty of it than she is, since I'm super-sleepy with Lena up at all hours trying to transition to her big-girl bed. 

I find my pregnancy brain spills over into my personal life as well.  Josh reminds me repeatedly that I've already told him a certain story.  I've gotten good at covering myself when I haven't a clue what's going on in the news and everybody else is talking about it.  (What?  The super-bowl happened?  Of course I know who won... who was playing again??) 

I don't remember where I was going with this blog entry.  I guess I'll end it here.  Oh yeah, Josh is in Israel with his congregation for 12 days... and did I mention that Lena's not sleeping thru the night in her big girl bed yet???  Maybe I'll convince her that Shabbat should be a day of rest for both of us!!!

"What was your favorite part?"

At bedtime each night, Lena postpones the inevitable by asking me or her daddy to "stay for one minute" to talk about the day.  She asks, "Mommy, what was your favorite part?" and I tell her some moment of fun we had together, or something new she did that I was proud of of her for... or if I'm feeling particularly tired and ready for her to go to bed already, occasionally I'll say "naptime!" 

Last night we were having this usual conversation (as she turned about in her pack n play, where she's still insisting she sleep instead of her big girl bed, oy!) and I asked her what her favorite part of the day was.  She told me that it was "checking the mail."  Not her playdate, making an art project, playing with mommy, counting the peas inside her sugar snap peas or anything else I would have considered a "meaningful" part of the day.  Why checking the mail???

I'm not quite sure what the answer is.  Maybe it's because last month were excitedly checking it waiting for a movie to arrive that I had ordered.  Or maybe it was because we got a letter yesterday from my friend Leah. Or maybe she just likes the surprise of what's ahead.  Or maybe appreciates the routine of checking the mail.  Who knows??

I don't know if it matters why.  But her response made me feel much better as a mom.  It affirms that I don't have to schedule her into a bazillion enrichment activities or worry about making every moment count as a learning opportunity.  We can be silly, have our routines, and just enjoy the last couple months before the baby comes and disrupts them!  And the mundane can be my favorite part too.

Jewish questions

I'm sitting at my desk at work preparing for a two-part class I'm teaching starting next week at WRT (it's at 9:30 on Tuesday 1/26, please join us if you're in Scarsdale!).  The class is about trying to answer your child's toughest Jewish questions-- like why am I Jewish?  What happens after I die?  Is the Torah true?

Since my daughter is not even three yet, the hardest question I've had to field from her is "Who will my baby sister's mommy be?"  (followed by tears and refusals to share me, then saying that the nanny could be the baby's mommy instead  :(   :(  )

Have your children asked you questions that left you stumped, or ones that you just didn't want to talk about yet?  Help me by leaving comments on this blog or on my facebook page with good anecdotes, stories, even questions we should talk about on Tuesday.

Bedtime???

As we prepare for "baby sister" to arrive in a few months, Josh and I moved Lena into her big girl room.  We took advice of friends-- bought a special book about beds, had her decorate her new room, pick out sheets, had a "big-girl day" party.  I thought she's adjust to the bed just as she's adjusted to every other thing we've thrown at her, with a little bit of fuss but fairly easily.

Not to be.

She's sleeping in her big girl room, but in a pack n play on the floor next to the bed.  Lena is a tall almost-3 year old, and the pack n play is very small for her!!  She sleeps with her head underneath her pillow, and wakes up and complains about her hip hurting, her elbows hurting, etc.  I feel so badly for taking away her crib, but we need it for the baby!  And isn't she old enough???  If anyone has advice, it's greatly appreciated. 

The worst part was definitely tho when she asked me in the car, "Mommy, what did I do wrong?  I want my baby crib back!"  I felt terrible-- like she was asking me what she did wrong to deserve a baby sister?  She's just been terrific, so we wanted to have another one just like her!  But now she has to grow up a little bit, be a big girl, and certainly share some attention.  I have less energy to play with her now in my third trimester than I did 6 months ago.  I know her feelings are normal (and mine are too) but it's hard to hear things like that come out of her mouth. 

Sibling rivalry pervades the bible-- Jacob and Esau, Rachel and Leah, Cain and Abel (not in order, oops)....  These feelings and the competition between siblings are real-- and have been real throughout Jewish history.  As a mom I want to make sure that Lena knows she's loved no matter what, even when a new sister comes-- and also to love equally and cherish the baby!  I pray that they will grow up to be loving sisters and friends-- instead of rivals and enemies--  and I pray for the wisdom and patience to help develop the relationship between them, even before the little one arrives.  (I also hope that she sleeps in her bed soon!).