Wednesday, August 22, 2012

I was so good... why did I get "punished" with a bad teacher this year?


I have to thank someone fabulous for this story about elementary school class placement.

Rachel** asked her mom:  "I was so good... why didn't I get the teacher I wanted?  Another girl who's always mean to her mom and isn't nice to the other kids, she got the teacher I wanted!!"  Rachel hugged her mom and broke into tears at the unfairness of it all.  The mom hesitated, not sure how to respond at first, but thought of something I think brilliant to say.  She told her daughter how the school thinks these things through very carefully, and that the other girl must have a strong need for this particular teacher-- that maybe the teacher would show her how to treat other people nicely, even her mom.  Rachel, already a terrific kid who knows these skills, would get something different from the other teacher.  The school had a grand plan worked out so that each student would have a growing experience with a teacher who would meet their particular needs.  And actually, Rachel's teacher is good, and the girls in her class would be terrific classmates and play mates for her!

I thought the mom's response was brilliant-- teaching her daughter that things work out even though sometimes it's not how we want them to right away.  And that things aren't exactly how they may seem when we first find out about them.  The other girl obviously needs to grow and learn how to be a good person-- so she was given an opportunity that Rachel wanted but didn't need.

Rachel felt like she was being unfairly punished, I think.  She had been a "good girl" so she should get the teacher she wants, right??  It was totally unfair!!  My short response (not as thoughtful as the mom's for sure) would have been "life's not fair!!  You've got to learn that at some point."

This got me thinking about fairness generally in the world.  After Lena's diagnosis, I could not believe how unfair it was.  My daughter is this sweet, innocent, "very good" girl, who completely doesn't deserve the "punishment" of life with rheumatoid arthritis.  In the real world outside of elementary school class placement and even B'nai mitzvah date assignments, things happen rather randomly.  That's not to say that I don't believe in God, I just don't believe that God controls which child gets a disease and which child doesn't depending on any kind of moral value of the kid or his/her parents.  God is there for us, supporting and comforting us as we handle things that befall us in our lives.  The God I believe in is a good, loving God-- not one who micromanages my life and the life of my family.  The choices I make are mine (free will!!). And whatever genes/ environmental factors that caused Lena's arthritis weren't controlled by God.

I'll leave the micromanaging to my school district.  And know that whatever kindergarten class Lena's in will be a great one for her because they take every child's needs into consideration and place them with the perfect teacher...  or just because she'll be fine regardless.  :)

** name changed

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Thou shalt not... be a 'meanie'

At what age would you think you have to start dealing with "mean girl" stuff with kids?  For us the topic came up in the 4's (a little early I thought... but you gotta address it when they're thinking about it, right?)

One girl in Lena's preschool class started acting mean towards Lena... I'm not sure what she did.  But it changed Lena from wanting lots of play dates with her to coming home all upset that she had been mean to her.  How to best respond to this?

I told Lena that she shouldn't play with her if the other girl was being mean.  I definitely think that everyone should be able to choose their friends-- you don't have to be friends with everybody, especially if they don't treat you the way you want to be treated.  But that you always treat people nicely, so she shouldn't be mean back.  (whatever being mean "means" when you're 4 and 5).  The girl isn't going to kindergarten with Lena so I thought the whole thing was over, but when we saw her at a birthday party this weekend Lena got all upset again.  She wouldn't say hello to the girl and the girl was staring at her across the birthday cake table.  I felt a definite preview of middle school.

It reminded me of a great story that I told at a summer Tot Shabbat this past week.  After a long rainy day and then the sun peeking through I wanted to tell a Noah story, and found the perfect one in a little story book I have called Does God have a Big Toe? by Marc Gellman.  The story is about the birds nesting in Noah's ark, and how the brightly colored birds are mean to the black raven and the white dove.  The raven makes a choice to leave the ark and never come back-- not sharing that he found land with the other birds who are stuck on the ark.  When the dove is sent, she finds the raven but decides to brave the trip back to let everyone know that land has been sighted.  When they don't believe her she leaves the ark in tears, to seek proof of the land-- an olive leaf.  The other birds finally think again about their bad behavior, forming a brightly colored bird-rainbow to guide the dove back to the ark.

A great story about choosing to do the right thing and treat others how you would be treated.  The brightly colored birds have a chance to make t'shuvah-- to repent, say they're sorry, and then do the right thing the next time.  They stop being "meanies" and put themselves in the other birds' place.  What a great way for kids to begin to think about how the other kid might be feeling, the beginning of empathy (which so many of us adults have trouble with too).

Wednesday, August 8, 2012

A day in the life of Mommy/ Cantor Mia

I found today to be rather comical in how much stuff I did as Mommy/ Cantor Mia.  Hope this makes you smile too in its insanity.  

5:45 am  Lena comes in to our bedroom.  Josh sends her back to bed then goes to work on Rosh Hashanah sermon in his study.  He has to go back to work today after a 3 month sabbatical  :(  :(

6:15  Mikaela starts crying... not sure why but she wants out of her crib.  Mommy gets up, makes a cup of coffee and gets her up.  Lena gets up too.

6:30  It's "princess dress-up day" at camp so we all go down to the play room and select the best princess outfit for camp.  Lena goes thru multiple changes, Mikaela too (this leads to crying later when she discovers princess day is only at Lena's camp and not hers!!).  Mommy still nursing a cup of coffee.  Lena chooses "Rapunzel" costume-- so did a couple other friends apparently (see photo!).

6:45  Breakfast/ get dressed for camp/ potty time/ Lena's arthritis shot/ Mommy has 2nd cup of coffee, running around making sure all is ready for the day for the girls.  Thankfully Mommy packed backpacks last night!

8 Au pair comes up stairs!  Thank you for our au pair!!!  She does sunscreen and final camp prep for girls while Mommy goes for a half hour run outside.



8:40  Stretches for Lena and Mommy (Mikaela tries too).  Off to the JCC with Mikaela.  Bus comes for Princess Lena.

9 drop off Mikaela at JCC, run into friend who says she's pregnant with her 3rd.  I know a 3rd kid will throw me over the edge... but I still feel that twinge.  Go away twinge!!!

9:30 found time for a shower and breakfast for me.  Make ophthalmologist appointment for Mikaela for tomorrow.  Call to check in on Dad who had 5th chemo session this week (he's doing great thankfully!). Get dressed for work, 3rd cup of coffee on way to...

11-4:45  Cantor Mia has marathon Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur cue meeting with wonderful WRT colleagues.  At around 4:15 completely lose it and need 4th cup of coffee... get chocolate instead.  Good thing went for a run this morning.

(5pm au pair takes girls to Caramour for an au pair event... Mommy has already organized picnic lunch/ blanket/ money/ directions/ etc.)

5:11 write this blog, catch up on phone calls

6:30-7:30 Cantor Mia meets and greets with b'nai mitzvah families.  Mommy hopes to get home before kids go to bed tonight because Mommy worked late last night and when that happens kids always get up too early (see 5:45 am this morning)

8pm I'm projecting this because it's 5:13 while I'm typing: Say goodnight to girls, get glass of wine and fall down on couch to watch olympics.  Hope Josh has some idea about dinner because I don't have it in me today!  I think I was supposed to meet friends for drinks tonight...  hmm.

Friday, August 3, 2012

Summer Camp!

Everything has been so lazy lately... I love summertime.  Always have loved summer, even when I was a girl it was my favorite season!  I love the heat, the swimming, the relaxing time off... and especially CAMP.


I grew up going to a Jewish overnight camp called Capital Camps which was fed largely by Washington DC-area Jews.  I LIVED for going to this camp every summer.  I loved the music, the friends, being on my own, and tho I didn't know it until later, the "living Judaism" part of camp.  By this I mean the Hebrew songs and names of buildings/ activites/ etc that taught me an immense amount of Hebrew without my stepping foot into a classroom.  I loved the week shaped by Shabbat, how we set the day aside from the rest of the week as a holy day-- we all wore white, had special fun services outdoors, and spent much of Saturday relaxing by the pool.  I credit my camp experience with putting me on the path to Jewish leadership which I am following today.

Lena, at 5, is going to a real day camp for the first summer.  Today was visiting day and I enjoyed so much seeing how she spends her time outside at the camp, learning to swim, watching rockets filed with "squinkies" being launched into the sky... eating on picnic benches under the trees for cookout.  During this cookout, I looked over and some kids were having cheese sandwiches instead of hamburgers and hotdogs.  I startled for a second, thinking-- how at camp could they be mixing milk and meat????  Then of course I reminded myself that this wasn't a Jewish camp.  Oops!  :)

When the time comes to choose Lena's overnight camp (if I can be apart from her for that long!!!) there's no doubt in my mind tho that she'll go to a Jewish camp, most likely one of the URJ (Union for Reform Judaism) camps like Camp Eisner in the Berkshires.  Perhaps even next summer our family will go and volunteer for a few weeks to give her and Mikaela a taste of Jewish overnight camp.  After all, their parents met at another URJ camp-- Kutz Camp-- 11 summers ago.  I'm not concerned about my kids' Jewish identities (kids of a rabbi and a cantor!) but I don't want either of them to miss the Jewish camp experience either.

If you're thinking of a camp for your child consider one of the Reform Movement's camps-- or any other Jewish camp-- and consider it an investment your child's Jewish future. Even if they don't turn out to be a rabbi or a cantor, you'll help them create a positive Jewish identity and have a great time doing it.