What's in a name?

I recently have been getting a lot of questions about baby names, and baby naming ceremonies.  Maybe this is just the time in my life when my friends are having babies and as the clergy person nearby, I'm a good person to ask!  Or maybe it's because I'm teaching a class on pregnancy, birth, bris and baby namings in a couple weeks (come if you are local to Scarsdale!).  So, how do you come up with a name for your child? (this isn't a picture of my child, by the way)

Ashkenazic Jews traditionally name in memory of relatives that have passed away.  This custom developed out of a superstition-- but I actually think that the idea of honoring the memory of a person whom you loved that is no longer with us is very sweet.  You connect your future with your past and the characteristics of the person you loved. Sephardic Jews, by the way, name after both living relatives and deceased relatives.

We used same first-letters and similar sounding names to name our girls after beloved grandparents.  Lena (Helena Beth) is named after Josh's grandmother Helen and my grandmother Betty.  Mikaela Benjie is after my great-uncle Mac and grandmother Clara (Kayla) and Josh's grandfather Benjamin.  I like to tell Lena stories about her great-grandmother, whom I was so close to growing up, and connect her to her maternal line.  She also loves that the engagement ring I wear belonged to her papa's mommy, whom she was named after!!  As they grow we can tell both of our girls about the relatives we loved, what we remember about them, and their qualities that we hope will continue on in our children.  We thought of parallel Hebrew names at the same time-- Chana Batya for Lena and Michaela Binyamina for Mikaela. 

Not everybody names in this way, though.  Often couples will give their child an English name and not a Hebrew one for years later.  They may keep the same "parallel" name (Rachel... Rakheil for example) or they may come up with something totally different, either honoring the memory of a deceased (perhaps newly) relative, or picking a quality of their child and giving them a meaningful Hebrew name.  One friend of mine named her daughter "B'racha" in Hebrew, which had nothing to do with her English name, but because she was a "blessing" to be born after the mom suffered from devastating miscarriages. Another waited until some grandparents had passed away, only then giving the child a name after relatives who had the blessing to have known her. 

However you think of your child's name, it's a big responsibility, something that they will carry around with them their whole life (if they don't change it on you!).  Looking for a Jewish baby name?  Check out this search feature on kveller.com:   http://kveller.com/jewish_baby_names/

Time Change

Since having kids, the annual "Fall back" time change just hasn't been the same.  There's no more "sleep in an extra hour before Sunday school!"  now it's:  "please go back to sleep, it's only 5am!!"  I still remember the Sunday morning when Lena was a baby.  I had to teach adult education all morning at WRT, and Lena decided to wake up at 4am that day.  I told the class, in my haze, that my baby didn't get the memo about setting the clocks back an hour.  It took her weeks to get back to her normal 5/5:30 wakeup routine.

Monday morning Lena ran in at 6am, saying "The juice box turned into a 7!!"  (for those of you who don't know what I'm talking about, apparently the 6 on her clock reminds her of a juice box, and she knows it's time to get up when it becomes a 7.  If she complies she gets a sticker on her chart every morning.  I've gradually been making her clock later and later to ease the morning transition... didn't help so much though).  I asked her, "did the juice box really turn into a 7? Go check." Apparently she's also learning how to lie, but that's the subject of another blog...

Time is a funny concept for little children.  Sometimes Lena seems to understand a minute, ten minutes, thirty minutes (FOREVER!!).  But the passing of time, and how to explain it to her continues to be a mystery most of the time.  We're going skiing when it starts to snow, after Thanksgiving.  Tom (the au pair) is staying until the spring, when Lena's birthday is.  I try to tie long-awaited things to something concrete that means something in her life. 

But what about more difficult things?  What if she's worried about Mommy and Daddy dying?  I would try to reassure her that Mommy and Daddy wouldn't die for a long, long, long time-- until she was all grown up and didn't need us anymore.  But what does a long long time mean to a 3.5 year old?  Until after her next birthday?  After Mikaela starts walking? 

It's astounding, time is fleeting
Madness takes its toll
But listen closely, not for very much longer
I've got to keep control...


Let's do the time warp again!! 

Here's to "Spring ahead" when we get that hour back...

Childcare, au pairs, and being a Reform Jewish family

A couple months ago we switched from having a nanny to an au pair.  Our nanny had been with us for three years and was terrific... but didn't drive, and it was becoming increasingly stressful for me to be working/ schlepping/ mothering/ etc.  I thought that an au pair was a good option for us because of the flexibility of hours, and we already had a room for a live-in, so why not?

It's been great so far, the girls love "Tom," our Thai au pair who's with us until the end of March.  The flexibility of schedule has indeed been great, and the hours are the right amount for our family.  Tom herself is delightful to be around, sweet and active with the kids, and a safe driver to boot.  Too bad she's only here for 6 months (usually an au pair is around for 12 months+ but she had already worked with another family for a year and is only "extending" with us).

The only bad part so far is that I'm already having to interview for our next au pair, tho I feel like I just finished training Tom!!  Talking to young women from around the world has been a really interesting experience.  It's sweet to hear their nervousness at speaking English and enthusiasm for the idea of spending a year in the United States.  Not all are right for our family, but it looks like we may have found our next au pair.

Invariably, I have to try to explain to the candidate about who our family is, and what Josh and I do-- this can be a challenge sometimes!  How do you explain to someone who knows nothing about Jews, or American Reform Jews, what it's like to be a Reform Rabbi/Cantor couple?  but as I continue with my interviews, I'm starting to get a better idea of what to say: "We are a modern Jewish family.  My husband is a rabbi, it's like a Jewish minister.  I'm a cantor, kind of like a minister of music in a church."  I want to tell the potential au pairs about how we are Jewish, yet very American-- religious, but not orthodox in our religion.  I tell them how we don't eat pork or shellfish in our house, but we do only have one set of dishes (contrary to what they may have heard about Jews).  Most importantly, I've started telling them what is important to us about being Jewish: we treat everyone with respect and love, we are active in our synagogues, we we study Judaism, we give tzedakkah (charity), we say prayers at home, and celebrate holidays with our family and in the synagogue.  Israel is very important to us.  The right au pair for us I think is one that is open-minded, possibly interested in learning about other religions, or at least tolerant of them.  Certainly willing to sit with the kids at Tot shabbat or other services while mommy or daddy are leading them!

Sometimes having to explain something so basic to me to someone who knows nothing about what I'm talking about helps me as well, to clarify what's important to me and what's important in someone who's taking care of my children.