Teaching and trust

This week's Torah portion is Lech L'cha (Go forth!), in which we read about how God calls to Abraham and tells him to "go forth" from his homeland and journey to the land that will belong to his descendants (Israel).  It's a great portion (aren't they all??), made especially famous in the Hebrew by Debbie Friedman's "Lechi Lach" song, which is the same Hebrew text but in the feminine form.  Lech L'cha is a portion about trust, about faith in God, and about new beginnings, for an individual and the Jewish people. 

On Tuesday evening I was rehearsing this weekend's b'nai mitzvah students up on the bima, and as each of them chanted their portions beautifully, I heard another voice in my head, the voice of a former student of mine.  I couldn't figure out who it was, though.  I'd heard that portion before... but someone chanting in different voice.  A boy? A girl? Someone I clearly had worked with because I heard his or her voice so vividly in my brain.  That was Tuesday and today is Thursday and the voice has continued to bother me, because I can't place it. So, after putting the girls to bed I logged onto my work computer and pulled up last year's b'nai mitzvah list.  Nope, I didn't teach Lech L'cha last year.  Pulled up the 2008 list.  Found it, it was B**!  The sweet sweet boy I worked with and got to know two years ago as we studied together for his Bar Mitzvah.  The same boy who I saw a few weekends ago at another service and couldn't believe his transformation into a 10th grade young adult.  It's a testament to our teacher-student relationship that after two years I still hear his voice chanting that same portion from Lech L'cha.  I wonder if he remembers his portion as well as I remember him chanting it!

Lena has great teachers in the 3's this year, she talks about them all the time and looks forward to seeing them each morning at preschool.  She thinks of things that she wants to tell them.  And when I talk to Ms. Berenson she certainly tells me how Lena has a whole lot to say in class!  Besides checking in with her teacher every once in awhile, the occasional newsletter, and odd comments from Lena about what she did in school that day ("Hallie was sick!"  "I fell off the dinosaur and ate dirt!"  "Ms. Weiller had to go to a meeting so the short lady came in!") it's hard for me to say what she does there.  I'm sure she's having fun because she wants to go in the morning, but I'm trusting her teachers that they're giving her a nurturing, caring environment in which to play, grow, and learn.  I'm hoping that she's being a good friend to the other kids, playing nicely, and not hitting other kids or doing incredibly crazy or embarrassing things!  But I'm finding that it really does take a lot of trust in the school and the teachers to just let them take care of my child.  I know that trust is well-placed but sometimes it's still hard!  I suppose it's all about a gradual separation, a letting her "go forth" on her own into the world.  Right now it's just the morning, and we drop her off and pick her up.  Pretty soon it'll be the school bus... and then driving herself?  College?  I can't even imagine it.

I certainly don't recognize the Torah portions of all my former students or hear their voices chanting in my head 2 years later.  But I hope in my tutoring that I make them feel that they belong to our community and have a real, live connection to the synagogue.  Someone they and their parents can trust.

And in some of their eyes I see the future of my children 10... 13 years from now studying their portions, too, and standing up in front of the congregation leading everyone in prayer.  But I don't want time to go that fast!!!