Dinner with the Mayor

I wish I had a picture of the two of us to post here... but alas, none were taken.  So you'll have to take my word for it about the evening!

My husband and I were invited to dinner by Reverend Dr. Calvin O. Butts, III, who is the senior pastor at Abyssinian Baptist Church in the City of New York, and is also the President of the State University of New York College at Old Westbury.  As the senior rabbi of Congregation Emanu-El of the City of New York, Josh reached out to Dr. Butts to begin a relationship-- which resulted in our invitation by him and his wife to the President's House at SUNY Old Westbury, along with Mayor Bloomberg, his longtime partner, and four other guests, to dinner last week.  Reverend Butts is also going to be speaking at Emanu-El on the Friday night of Martin Luther King, Jr. weekend (I will be at Westchester Reform Temple that night celebrating the weekend with the pastor and choir from our neighboring Great Centennial AME Zion Church in Mt. Vernon, NY).

The Reverend and his wife were incredibly gracious, and the dinner intimate and lively.  We spoke about many topics-- the city mayoral election, Citi bikes, the Mayor's plans for the future after his term ends January 1st (vacation, then taking the presidency of a consortium of the largest cities in the world), a new city golf course in the Bronx, business policy, the Mayor's daughters' love of horseback riding, and the meaning of the shofar.  My husband brought Dr. Butts a shofar as a gift.

A very exciting evening, and a late night-- we got home after midnight, very late for us since having our girls!!  I read the paper for weeks before attending the dinner, and even polled my Facebook friends for possible conversation topics beforehand.  I didn't need to worry, as the Mayor was loquacious and other guests asked him many questions.  I would say that I spoke little, smiled a lot, and tried not to engage in conversation topics I knew very little about.  The Mayor is probably one of the smartest people I've met, warm, engaging, and incredibly knowledgeable.  I got the sense that his leadership of the city the past twelve years, including many of his more controversial initiatives, come from Jewish values and a love for the people of New York City, with a vision toward the future that eludes many today.

Since I had my girls, I often complain that I used to be smart.  Pregnancy brain has faded somewhat... but not entirely.  My brain can only tackle so much at once, and with two children, not to mention a career, the amount of brain space left for current events and miscellany has decreased substantially.  Evolutionarily I believe this makes sense, as I must care for my own children and their many needs, if they are to survive and thrive.  However, this can make dinner parties a challenge!!  So I suppose it makes sense that when I did speak to the dinner party, it was about my girls, and a bit about my work.

Mayor Bloomberg asked me how our family has adjusted to living in the great city of New York.  My response: how lovely it has been to go to Central Park with Mikaela after nursery school with her new friends and their moms, how much I enjoy the walking and ease of everything.  I told him about Lena's "Top Ten list of things she DOES like about New York," and tried not to offend him too much that she'd rather still live in the suburbs.  He even chuckled that her favorites are the American Girl Doll Place, hot dog stands, and the Lipstick Building on 3rd Ave.  He wondered if she knew who used to work there!  (Bernie Madof...).  When we left at the end of the evening, he told me that if he ever needed a cantor in Westchester he would call me.  :)

Reading together

According to her teachers, Lena has been reading since sometime in Kindergarten.  At her conferences, they told me her reading group, and I knew she was writing some because I saw the work coming home.  But would she read for me?  NO.  nothing.  Not a street sign, not a word from her books.

Last year at our suburban public school, Lena had packets of homework every week.  Mostly handwriting, some cut and paste syllable, vocabulary type worksheets.  At 5, she had little interest in doing any of the homework, procrastinated and took a terribly long time doing it, and generally fighting with Mommy over getting it done.  (I ended up delegating homework supervision to our au pair... worked beautifully, just like having the au pair potty train my girls did!  Sometimes it's easier not to have the power struggle). 

I didn't think the kind of homework that Lena was getting last year was developmentally appropriate.  Why should my 5 year old be spending after school time doing workshe
ets and handwriting sheets when she'd just spent the last six hours doing the same thing?  She needed to move, to play, to RELAX.  To be with her sister with no plans (note sister cuteness in the matching picture in this blog!)

This year, at our NYC private Jewish day school, the first graders just got their first homework assignment (no homework in kindergarten there).  Every night, the kids are to read with their parents.  Book is up to us-- who reads is up to us-- but we just have to participate, and sign that we read every night.  The kids pick the book, write the title on their sheet, and decide on a WOW word (from what I can ascertain, this is just a word that they like??).  Lena and her friend from her class were SO EXCITED to begin their homework, reading together and discussing what their WOW words would be.  I worried that I would have to battle Lena to get her to read to me.  Then...

Mikaela was in bed and Lena pulled out a book and decided to read to her.  So sweet.  The book she picked was simple, with mostly the same words on each page, with just a few changing.  She figured out the new words on each page and read out loud to both of us, remembering to show her little sister the pictures as she finished each page.  I'm looking forward to her homework now each night.   And Lena loves her assignments too.  Isn't this what being 6-years-old is about?? 

Sharing Shabbat

Last fall I began my leadership of Sharing Shabbat at Westchester Reform Temple-- a Saturday morning family Shabbat service/ religious school/ adult parallel learning experience.  Following in the footsteps of cantorial greats such as Ellen Dreskin, Angela Buchdahl, and Dan Sklar, I now lead this group of Saturday regulars who come casually, snuggling with their kids, to pray and learn each week. What a privilege!

Of course I also bring my kids with me whenever I can-- Lena sometimes brings a chair right next to the pulpit so she can sit with her mommy too, just like everyone else does.  I do my best to watch her/ give her hugs when I can while also leading the service.  Multi-tasking in the extreme!  When Mikaela comes also I have my au pair with me or dedicated teenagers for them--two would be too much to manage and also lead with any intention.  I love that my girls know the prayer melodies, I love that they have temple friends they look forward to seeing each Saturday.  I know their favorite part is the oneg (food after the service), but that's okay with me too.

This past Saturday night we had a Sharing Shabbat adults-only havdalah and dinner.  As I introduced my husband to people (he also leads services on Saturday mornings and can't come with us to Sharing Shabbat) I realized how long I have known many of the people there.  Four of us were together in a toddler class years ago with our now 1st graders.  I named a few of the children, and had discussed with many of the adults their professions and outside interests.  How lovely it was to reconnect with these friends and begin to get to know some new people too, all without children pulling on us during the oneg time!

These type of connections with people are what drives my work as a cantor.  I hope to infuse people's lives with connections to Judaism, to each other in holy community, and through that to the Eternal.  

If you live in Westchester, whether or not you currently belong to Westchester Reform Temple or to Sharing Shabbat, join us with your family any Saturday morning at 9am in the Center for Jewish Life (pictured).  We all look forward to welcoming you!!

Some thoughts "early" holidays

The end of the holiday cycle is here...  Sukkot's 8th day (if you celebrate the extra day)/ Simchat Torah.  And now, SHABBAT!

So much has been said of the calendar this year.  Most people in shock that Rosh Hashanah began the Wednesday after Labor Day.  And, upcoming in November-- Thanksgiv-ukkah.  The first night of Hannukah and Thanksgiving happening the same day.  Apparently the only time in history that this could possibly happen.  We're going to have deep fried turkey nuggets for the girls!  But that's another blog to come.

For us clergy, the early holidays require some earlier prep, but I find them to be slightly easier than "late" holidays (of course, Rosh Hashanah always come "on time"- on the 1st day of the Hebrew month of Tishrei!).  When holidays are early, we are spared what I had last year, which was the opening day of Sharing Shabbat, in an orchard, with no microphone, the day before singing before a couple thousand congregants in a white robe.  The opening days of  Sharing Shabbat this year are mercifully after the holidays have completed, allowing me to focus my energies on one at a time.

The more interesting part of these holidays though, are the days of the week on which they fall.  Wednesday night-Thursday Rosh Hashanah = Shabbat Yom Kippur (longer liturgy... reading the red "Szechuan menu" sections too).  But it also = Wed night/ Thursday Sukkot and Wed night/ Thursday Simchat Torah.  + Friday night/ Saturday Shabbat.  And for conservative Jews out there, that's chag (holiday) for 4 days in a row... 3 times in one month.  And for day school parents like us, very little school for our kids. 

Sorry for all the math, don't lose me here...

Four days in a row of holidays/ shabbat can be amazing-- cessation from work, lots of time at synagogue... (it can be slightly overwhelming for people leading services).  Also it makes getting into a routine and getting work done hard for all o
f us.  How can we get work done if we don't email multiple days in the week and not just on Shabbat?  And do we, in the New York area, need to put an away message up for Shabbat and holidays?  Or do people not expect emails back, even tho they send them, on these holy days?  What does it mean for us to rest on the holidays and Shabbat given the busy lives we lead today?

Last night we went with friends to the Park Avenue Synagogue in Manhattan with the girls to celebrate Simchat Torah.  The music was loud, rhythmic, fun-- the Hakafot (processions with the Torah) celebratory, and the room was packed with kids.  Halfway through blue and white balloons even fell from the ceiling!  I kvelled to see Mikaela kissing the Torah as each one passed.  And I enjoyed meeting new people and seeing old friends there.  We sat as a family (very rare for us) and celebrated the joy of the holiday.  Was it restful?  Not so much.  But hopefully my girls will remember the ruach (spirit) and the family togetherness inside the balagan (craziness) of Simchat Torah and this time of year in general. 

Next week begins the Hebrew month of Cheshvan.  Looking forward to some quiet and full weeks of school for my kids!

Can the tooth fairy get past our doorman?

Ah, the tooth fairy!!  No, we don't believe in Santa Claus in our house... but the tooth fairy remains part of the reality of our family's life.  Lena is in first grade now, and has lost a total of 7 teeth. The previous six had been in Armonk, where the tooth fairy faithfully came during the night and replaced a precious baby tooth with a few dollar bills.  Well, faithfully except for that night that Mommy and Daddy forgot to leave the door unlocked and the tooth fairy couldn't come in!!  When we discovered our mistake in the morning (big whoops...) Mommy and Daddy were very upset with the tooth fairy, until we found a letter for Lena from her in the mailbox!!!  She came and took the tooth the next night.  Tooth fairy perseveres! 

 This past week Lena came home from school with a tooth necklace around her neck, and prepared a letter for the tooth fairy and put the necklace under her pillow.  Though exhausted, she tossed and turned until around 9pm.  I asked her what was wrong, and she said she didn't think that the doorman downstairs would let the tooth fairy up to our apartment!  She wouldn't be able to get in to take Lena's tooth that evening!!  So what did Mommy do?  I called the doorman of course and gave permission for him to let in the tooth fairy that night up to our apartment!  Soon Lena fell fast asleep, comforted that all would be well, and when she awoke she had a hand-written letter from the tooth fairy and a few dollars.  Phew!  I guess we can figure anything out in the city?

This sweet evening caused many smiles amongst my family and friends-- sweet Lena, still believing in the tooth fairy, and anxious about her new surroundings and if the tooth fairy could find her/ be let into the building!  It got me thinking about the power of belief and faith in our lives.  We ask our children to believe in all sorts of things-- the tooth fairy, Santa Claus, the Easter bunny, that the princesses in Disney World are really the same ones in the animated movies-- while often having trouble believing in much ourselves.  Do we ask them to believe in God?  What is the God that we want them to believe in like?  And how can we translate what we believe (or don't believe) about God to something understandable to the trusting little people in our lives. 

Similes and metaphors can help-- God is like love-- you can't see love, but you sure can feel it and know it's there.  God is also like the wind, invisible to us but clear in its effects on the world.  Just like the wind moves the trees, God moves good people in the world to make the world a better place.

Sometimes also just being a loving, consistent presence in your child's life tho can help them with belief.  They believe in YOU and your love and faith in them.  That belief goes a long way into creating a wonderful, loving human being.

I'm baaaaaack... some thoughts about our move to NYC

Hi everyone,
   I'm back to blogging.  It's been a while.  I know.  I'm sorry.  S'licha!!!!!  Things have been very busy for me and my family.
    At the beginning of March, my husband was offered the position of Senior Rabbi of Congregation Emanu-El of the City of New York, an amazing opportunity for him and our whole family.  He accepted and we began our transition into New York City from the suburbs.  The transition involved a lot of getting rid of things-- selling two cars, furniture and smaller items (thank you Facebook and Chappaqua Moms Sales!), saying goodbye to schools and friends, and particularly to our house and suburban lifestyle.  In August, I took the girls for our final farewell to our old house.  I don't think Lena understood until that point that we were actually moving... FOREVER, as in, not going back to that house soon.  So, being a cantor, we had a little ceremony of goodbye.
    I took the girls through the empty house, saying goodbye to their empty rooms, the play room, etc.  After they had the experience of seeing everything all gone, we gathered together in the kitchen, and each of us thought of something wonderful that happened in the house, and something we wish we could leave behind with the old house.  For me-- I remembered the happy times with friends over, and the sad times when Lena was so sick in that house.  The girls shared their remembrances and we said a final thank you and goodbye.
   As we drove over to a neighborhood friend's house for a play date (since we're not that far away we actually see our good friends still... which is a terrific thing for all of us), Lena began to cry and scream.  "I DON'T WANT TO MOVE TO NYC!!!  I WANT TO LIVE HERE!!!  I WANT TO GO TO MY OLD SCHOOL!"  and so on and so on.  It wasn't until we said goodbye that the reality hit.  She's still dealing with stress of the move but thankfully is starting to adjust to our city life (more on that another time).
    Transitions in life are hard.  For adults, who understand it-- and I think ever more so for children who have no say in the matter.  Rituals-- this one that we did in the old house-- that confront the reality of a situation, can help.  At least help children understand what's going on.  When we all slept in the apartment for the first time we also said a prayer, the Shehecheyanu prayer, which thanks God for bringing us to this moment in our lives.
   So, now that we are settled and our first High Holy Days are behind us, I will be updating this blog often, sharing my ideas about balance, parenting, Jewish values...  tune in!
xoxo,
Cantor Mia

Mar Cheshvan: Please a little bit of normal would be nice

Hi there, reader, sorry I've been completely MIA...  haha.  Bad joke, sorry.  Actually I've been so busy with first the high holy days, then various personal things that I've just had too much to say on the blog to limit it to an idea for a post.  Like I don't even know where to start!!!

I remember thinking a couple weeks ago... things are busy and stressful but at least my childcare situation is stable.  Then 2 days later my au pair gave notice (by text message!!) that she wanted to find a new family so she could spent less time taking care of kids and more time studying English.  Great.

Then I remember thinking last week... things are busy and stressful but at least I'm not sick!  That would be worse.  Then Friday I came down with a bad cold.  Not to complain about a cold (it could be worse for sure) but it's hard to think and do anything with stuffy ears, sinuses, and dizziness.

So I'm not even going to think about what to be thankful for next because I'm too worried that the next shoe will drop!

Makes me grateful it's the Hebrew month of Cheshvan, the month that Jews call "Mar Cheshvan", the bitter month of Cheshvan, because there are no holidays during the month.  I prefer to think of it as a month of recovery, a month of returning to normalcy, after the extremely busy month of Tishrei (which includes Rosh Hashanah, Yom Kippur, Sukkot, and Simchat Torah).  Sometimes not having anything special going on, but just the regular things of life, is just what you need.

So my prayer is that this month of Cheshvan not be bitter... but a bit of blandness would be nice.  Normalcy of school/ work/ stability/ health.  Please.  I could really use a little bit of Cheshvan right now!!  Thanks.